Tinderella

 

I’m sure anyone who has been single for a reasonable amount of time in the last couple of years has dabbled in Tinder or some kind of ‘dating site’, and myself being socially inept, am no exception.
As I’m also sure – most have probably have had a bit of a bizarre date, and again, I am definitely no exception, and thought I might have a bit of a laugh telling the internet about them. These are the 8 boys I have met through these sites. I’ll try and be nice.

FAIL

The friend – Absolute sweetheart. Met him on tinder back when I was about 17. We actually ended up being friends for a year or so, and after 3/4 years he still pops up on my Facebook, is at uni and looks like he’s smashing life. Still didn’t want to smash me at the time though, which was kind of dissapointing.

The older man – We got talking and arranged to meet up and he would buy me an ice tea from Costa (winner winner chicken dinner). From this point I thought he was the one – anyone who buys me an ice tea is a big part of my future. I was 18 and he was 23, but hey – we all like an older man, right? We sat down in the park and conversation was awkward and sparse. So.. he decides to tell me this story about his ‘hero’ best mate who would have a shit in the middle of club floors on nights out. Hm. A day or so after said date I’d had no text so I took the plunge and messaged him first – how modern. His excuse was that I was ‘too immature’. His mate that pooed himself was an absolute lad though, clearly.

The cleaner – Took me bowling and was generally a nice guy. Awkward and absolutely stank of toilet cleaner though. No chemistry, despite his stench of chemicals.

The dreamboat – The absolute MAN. He had that swishy hair, piercings, accent and tattoos. We went on a few dates actually, and I thought I’d found ultimate boyfriend goals. I dated him around the time of my birthday and he even bought me a box of chocolates and a card (how sweet). However, he decided to tell me after the date I had received these gifts that he wasn’t feeling it. I ripped up the card and cried over eating that entire box of chocolates.

The weirdo – I used the toilet in a coffee shop for like, less than a minute. I came out and he was sat at a table reading a book of 1800’s poetry that he’d brought with him in his leather satchel. Need I say more.

The boyfriend  – Ended up staying with him for 5 months. I mean.. no hard feelings so I won’t get into that..

The druggie – We met up, he seemed sweet. He didn’t stay too long as was just on his lunch break. We arranged a second date, and he took me to a quiet park in the evening (I know how it sounds OK, but at the time I thought it was romantic.) On the way we popped to Sainsbury’s and he asked me to lend him a fiver so he could get a bottle of vodka… fine, weird but I didn’t mind. We get to the park and we sit in some abandoned building and chat… chat all about his severe MDMA and alcohol habit. He was just a misunderstood guy with a lot of issues, but probably not boyfriend material, let’s be honest.

Hubby material – Finally, my first and hopefully last success story. I took that leap from Tinder to Plenty Of Fish and found my long term partner. We’ve been together for almost 2 years and have lived with each other for the past year. He has his flaws and plays computer games probably more than the average adult male, but he; loves me, doesn’t take MDMA, doesn’t read 200 year old poetry, smell like industrial cleaner and is really not one to talk about being immature. Thank God – it took long enough.

So in conclusion, I would say – keep looking. You may kiss some (fucking weird) frogs, but you’ll find your prince. And that message especially goes out to my best friend who decides to have probably an even worse taste in boys than myself – you’ll find a boy that deserves your fabulousness soon.

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